Unexpected Leadership and Relationship Lessons From Mating Doves
- Tosca DiMatteo
- Jun 23
- 6 min read
This spring I watched a pair of doves make a home, nest and raise two babies. This happened literally right outside my office window on my balcony. It brought be so much joy to just be in the moment and watch this family grow. It helped me keep things pretty simple this spring. The 24/7 National Geographic show was a constant reminder to slow down, be intentional, and enjoy the small moments.
Watching the parent doves in their process mirrored how I was approaching my business - not rushing, but also being highly aware, diligent and consistent..
There's a lot that I took away from this experience and so as we near the end of the spring season and step into summer, I want to share with you what these doves reminded me about leadership and relationships - which sits right at the intersection of personal growth and professional breakthroughs.
1. Build a nest where you feel secure.
What happened: The doves picked an evergreen tree to build their nest in. Since the tree in the way back didn’t yet have any leaves, it wasn’t safe to build a nest there. The doves scouted the perfect place, and somehow they knew I would do whatever I could to support their success - even if on most days that meant staying quiet so as not to worry them.
So what: Wherever you've landed in your career, whatever company, team or leader you have built a nest with - you have to honestly answer; is this an environment I feel comfortable in, or am I constantly walking on eggshells (no pun intended)? This basic need for your nervous system to feel safe is so important. If you don’t feel good where you spend your time, consider if it’s time to rebuild elsewhere, or if you have to look in the mirror and decide to show up differently to see what else is possible in the nest you've made. If this resonates, check out Ep. 39 Influencing Change Series (Part 3 of 3), from The Unlock Lab podcast; I talk about one of the biggest mistakes people make, which is staying too long in your job / relationships.
2. Devotion and dedication matters.
What happened: These parent doves did not miss a single beat keeping those eggs warm. The mother and father switched off and on like clockwork. The two times I had to disturb them (to better secure the tree on my balcony) - the parent left the nest for only a few minutes until they felt the coast was clear to again tend to their eggs. They were dedicated and devoted to their babies.
So what: Do you know what you're dedicated and devoted to? Shout out to speaker and fellow leadership coach Jeanne Stafford for the language around this, because when times are tough, and when it's hard to keep going, Jeanne reminds us to remember what you're dedicated and devoted to. This can be your lighthouse that keeps you going when your flame is on low or distractions are high. What are you devoted to?
The other piece of this lesson is to ask yourself if you have the right support to help you with your devotion. How could those eggs survive if momma didn't have an opportunity to go eat, find nourishment, and get some movement? Perhaps it's time to think differently about what support could look like. For more inspiration on this check out Ep. 12 Set Yourself Up For Success.
3. Stay close as they learn to fly.
What happened: I loved seeing the eggs hatch into tiny, vulnerable babies. To my surprise, within days they became so big they could barely fit in the nest. The day the babies left the nest, I was so sad. I eagerly searched around for them, and to my delight they didn't go far those first several days. The went to a nearby tree and they stayed by each other - but they had more space (that nest was tight!). As for the mother? Well she was very close by, keeping an eye on them as they literally practiced spreading their wings.
So what: This last lesson really hit home home for me. I thought of my clients and how when we first start working together, I stay close to them. I stay close with texts and emails, helping with accountability and inspiration. The early days and weeks are when I do the heaviest lifting - because they need new tools and frameworks to help them get unstuck, and they need to learn what patterns need shifting to get different results. With time and effort, consistency and persistence, my clients have more tools in their toolbox. They learn to understand and process their thoughts, feelings, needs and actions in deeper ways.
Before I know it, my clients are moving away from the nest … and they start coming to me with their conclusions of their actions and feelings. They start to ask me bigger questions about ‘what now’, or ‘what else do I need to see here?’ and I beam with pride.
Beyond the Nest
Once my clients start experiencing the world with new eyes I am there, it's just that I'm on that next branch this time. I'm not in the nest (so-to-speak), as I'm needed less, for they have started to spread their wings and use the tools they've gained. In a new capacity, I’m there to help them course correct (as we know old habits die hard), to remind them of what they have learned and I'm there to advocate for them as they continue to do hard things.
In about a week, the doves were fully out on their own. When this happens with my clients, and our time together comes to a close, it always feels bittersweet for me. I’m so proud of the work they did and I’m so glad that they have reached a new place they are operating from. But at the same tie, I miss them too, because they became part of my coat of many colors. They taught me things too. They fueled my work in new ways, and changed me - because that is the nature of things. We never stay the same - and we are always shaped by those we surround ourselves by.
What about you and your team?
There's so much you can learn from those you lead.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself how they have impacted you and helped you become a better person, and leader?
This information can be powerful to share with your colleagues as it's beautiful, deeply personal, positive feedback and acknowledgement.
I also encourage you to consider what part of the cycle are you in right now with your team?
For example; Are you in training mode, doing a lot of the giving and staying close? Alternatively, perhaps it's time to let your fledglings spread their wings. If so, you may help your team flourish by taking a seat on a different branch a bit further away, to see what they can do.
Cycles
In all of our relationships in life, we go through cycles. As a leader, a spouse, a friend, a sibling - we can be in different seasons in our relationships and not even know it.
Think of a relationship right now that feels like it's a bit off...
- What is the relationship needing now?
- What is needed for its next cycle of re/birth?
As far as honoring cycles - my husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage on Juneteenth!
We are doing great and also, in full transparency I can tell you we’ve recently had to look more closely at where we are in our cycle and patterns. It's a normal and healthy thing to do from time to time with all relationships. We've had to ask ourselves (and our therapist); What do we need as a unit? What’s working and what’s not?
For more on our love story and my lessons learned in this 20 year relationship, listen to this weeks' episode on The Unlock Lab; Ep. 62 An Unexpected Love Story (Apple | Spotify).
Strength is looking at the truth. Denial will become your Achilles heal.
As we leave the spring season and enter into summer, I encourage you to look at the truth of your cycles, and what is being born into existence now.
If you need support to help your team with whatever stage it's in, learn more about the ways I can support you by visiting www.toscadimatteo.com/business.
Professional Development Masterclass
When teams are demotivated, they need a boost of confidence, a new way to look at their challenges, and an opportunity to redefine success.
If you're interested in giving your team a boost with content, and an experience that sticks well beyond the masterclass, this is precisely the work that I do.
Email me at breakthrough@toscadimatteo.com to start a discussion on which of my masterclasses would be a fit for your team to experience a shift now.
New episode, out now:
Ep. 62 An Unexpected Love Story
This spring has brought so many quiet lessons. Want more reflections, insights and inspiration to arrive in your inbox? Subscribe here to get inspiration and practical tips for how to not just get unstuck in your career, but to find fulfillment and ease in the journey.
Stay Feisty & Fabulous,
Tosca DiMatteo
