Why Hiding Is Holding You Back
- Tosca DiMatteo
- Jul 18
- 3 min read
What are you hiding about yourself?
We all hide things about ourselves; sometimes they're big things and sometimes they're small.
I spoke with Ruth Rathblott, an expert on hiding and what it costs us on Episode 63 of my podcast. Ruth is a TEDx speaker, author, and workplace culture expert and she shared her deeply personal story of hiding her limb difference for more than 25 years. Her journey reveals just how much we all lose when we keep parts of ourselves in the shadows.
The Moment That Changed Everything
Ruth’s story starts with a single stare on her first day of high school. One uncomfortable glance was all it took for her to start hiding her left hand. What she thought would be a temporary act of self-protection turned into a decades-long habit. “I initially thought I was just hiding it for a bus ride,” Ruth recalls, “but that bus ride turned into hiding it that first week and that first year. And it kept going.”
Hiding Isn’t Just About What’s Visible
While Ruth’s limb difference was the thing she hid, she’s quick to point out that hiding is something almost everyone does. Maybe you’re keeping quiet about a past experience, a current struggle, or even a dream for the future. Ruth calls these “three buckets of hiding”:
The past (old wounds and traumas)
The present (relationships, beliefs, health, or finances)
The future (hopes and ambitions)
No matter what you’re hiding, the reason is often the same: fear of judgment, rejection, or not fitting in.
The Hidden Costs We Don’t Talk About
Hiding, Ruth says, comes at a steep price.
“It was exhausting and it was lonely, and it was something I thought about all the time, and it took over my life.” She describes the mental energy spent picking outfits to conceal her hand, avoiding certain activities, and worrying about being “found out.” At work, she feared not being seen as competent, so she kept her difference secret, missing out on opportunities for connection and growth.
How Ruth Stopped Hiding and What Happened Next
Ruth’s turning point came when she realized that by hiding, she was also denying others the chance to truly know her. “As mad as I got about not being seen, I hadn’t actually shared my journey with anyone,” she admits. This realization led her to begin sharing her story, first in small ways, then as a speaker and author.
Her courage to unhide didn’t just change her own life, it opened doors for others to share their truths as well. Ruth now helps people and organizations create spaces where everyone feels safe to show up as themselves.
A Simple Framework for Letting Yourself Be Seen
Ruth offers a four-step process for anyone ready to stop hiding:
Notice what you’re hiding and get curious about why.
Accept that this part of you exists; it’s shaped who you are.
Take small steps to share your story or show your true self, even if it’s just with one trusted person.
Use your experience to help others unhide, especially if you’re in a leadership role.
Why It Matters - For You and Everyone Around You
Ruth’s experience is a powerful reminder that hiding may feel safe, but it keeps us from real connection, opportunities, and growth. When we choose to unhide, we not only free ourselves, but we also invite others to do the same. The result? More authentic relationships, stronger communities, and the chance to reach our full potential.
What might change for you if you stopped hiding? Ruth’s story proves it’s never too late to find out.
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Ready to go deeper? If Ruth’s story resonated with you, don’t miss the full conversation, tune in to Episode 63 of The Unlock Lab for the complete interview, Ruth’s four-step framework to unhide, and more real-life insights on what becomes possible when you stop hiding and start showing up as your true self.
Ruth's Links and Resources:
Ruth's Books:
