I Gave a 10-Minute Talk on Inner Critics: Here is the Process I Used
- Feb 3
- 3 min read
We often hear that public speaking is the number one fear for most people.
I get it. Standing at the front of the room feels vulnerable. It feels dangerous to our primal brain.
Why Expertise Doesn't Eliminate the Critic
For me, giving a 45-minute talk on Inner Critics is the norm. I know that flow. I know that rhythm.
But finding a hard-hitting 10-minute version? That was a new challenge. My inner critics wondered if I could say anything meaningful in 10 minutes that would land with the audience.
This experience reminded me that we all have to use the tools (before, during, and after getting in front of the room) no matter how experienced we are.
Human Skills vs. Soft Skills
In organizations, "soft skills" training is usually on the docket at some point during the year. When it comes to presentations, this usually means:
Projecting your voice
Making eye contact
Memorizing your script
Using confident body language
Those are all valid. But they are surface-level. They are the band-aids we put over the gaping wound of our insecurity.
The real work, the Human Skills work, is what happens underneath.
It is not just about how you deliver your talking points. It is about how you manage your nervous system when the pressure is on. It is about how you treat yourself before you ever step into that room.
The Two Ways You Must Show Up
Conscious leaders focus entirely on one thing: Showing up for the audience.
We obsess over providing value to them. We worry about what they think. We want them to receive the message.
But if you only focus on the audience, you are abandoning yourself. You are leaving your own nervous system out in the cold to fend for itself against your inner critic.
To truly lead, and to speak with authentic power, you have to add a second component:
You must show up for yourself.
What does that look like?
1. Preparation as Safety, Not Perfection I script my talks. Not because I want to sound like a robot, or plan to memorize my talking points and say them word for word, but because my brain needs safety. When I know exactly what I want to say, my nervous system can relax. I am not scrambling for words in a fight-or-flight state. I am creating a container of safety so that I can actually be present.
2. The Pre-Game Grace Before I start, I make a deal with myself. I decide that I am going to be on my own team. I remind myself that my worth is not on the line here.
3. Celebrating the Service This is the hardest part for high achievers. Usually, the moment we finish, the inner critic starts the post-game analysis: “You stumbled on that word. You forgot that one point.”
You have to stop that train immediately.
After my talk, I didn't analyze the performance (ok maybe just a smidge). What I did was focus on celebrating the fact that I was of service to the audience.
I kept my critics at bay long enough to share my message. That is the win.
A New Definition of Success
If you are a leader, you are going to be in the spotlight or at the front of the room. There is no avoiding it.
But you get to choose how you experience it.
You can white-knuckle your way through it, relying on adrenaline and self-criticism to push you forward. (This is the fast track to burnout).
Or, you can choose the Human Skills approach.
You can prepare in a way that honors your humanity. You can show up for your audience and for yourself. You can walk out of the room, no matter the size or for how long, and choose to be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy.
Next time you have to present, try this: Don't just ask, "How can I impress them?" Ask, "How can I take care of myself while I am of service to my audience?"
That is where the real power lies.
