Healing Relationships Requires No Apologies
- Tosca DiMatteo
- Dec 2, 2025
- 3 min read
Have you ever found yourself waiting for an apology that never comes, hoping it will finally make things feel better? I know I have. In episode 78 of The Unlock Lab, I share a powerful reframe: You don’t need anyone else to participate in to begin healing your heart. This episode is for you if you’re carrying unresolved hurt, disappointment, or confusion about relationships with no closure or repair.
Why I Stopped Waiting for Apologies
There were so many relationships in my life where I was secretly holding my breath for someone to finally acknowledge the harm, validate my feelings, or come back with the exact words I thought I needed to hear. I eventually learned that some people simply aren’t able, ready, or willing to do that work. When I kept waiting on them, I kept myself stuck. In this episode, I talk about how I chose to reclaim my power by deciding that my healing is my responsibility and that I can create my own resolution, with or without them involved.
What Active Healing Looks Like for Me
I don’t believe time alone heals all wounds; I believe intentional action does. In the episode, I walk through what active healing has looked like in my own life. Sometimes it has meant journaling pages and pages about a betrayal, sometimes writing letters I never send, sometimes sobbing and letting myself feel the full intensity of my emotions instead of burying them. Other times it has meant finding people who can truly hold space for me — a coach, a therapist, or a friend who can listen without judgment — rather than trying to force support from people who can’t offer it.
The Practices and Mindset Shifts I Use
Here are some of the tools and shifts I share in the episode:
I practice forgiveness as something I do for myself, not as a pass for the other person.
I use rituals like journaling, gratitude, and mantras (including the Ho‘oponopono prayer) to move out of victimhood or resentment.
I remind myself that the person who hurt me is more than the wound they caused, and that I, too, am more than my reactions and my pain.
I look at my own role and patterns, like over-giving, ignoring red flags, or staying too long, so I can choose differently next time.
I ask, “What did this teach me about what I value and what I now expect in my relationships?”
These practices help me turn painful experiences into information about my standards, boundaries and desires, instead of blaming myself and thinking that something’s wrong with me.
From Illusion to Truth in Relationships
One of the hardest parts of my healing has been recognizing when I was in relationship with someone’s potential rather than who they actually were. In the episode, I invite you to ask the questions I had to ask myself:
Do I miss this person, or do I miss the idea of who I wanted them to be?
Was I in relationship with the truth of who they were, or with the illusion I created?
As painful as it can be, seeing the truth is what has allowed me to choose better for myself, and to honor what I truly want and deserve in relationships.
An Invitation to Heal on Your Terms
If this resonates with you, if there’s a relationship that still tugs at your heart, still triggers anger, grief, or confusion, I want you to know you’re not alone. You don’t have to wait for anyone to apologize before you start healing. You get to be an active participant in your own freedom, your own peace, and your own emotional safety.
Listen to the full episode of The Unlock Lab, Healing Relationships Requires No Apologies, to hear the full stories, tools, and reflections I share. And if you’re feeling called to deeper support, you can reach out to me here to schedule a call so we can explore what you need to feel whole, grounded, and supported in your relationships.
