Managing Triggers and Building Emotional Intelligence: Your Guide to Leadership Mastery
- Tosca DiMatteo
- Sep 10
- 4 min read
The biggest thing you can do for yourself is create space; space to manage your emotions, process your triggers, and respond intentionally, rather than react automatically. Reacting often means we’re operating without that vital space, which can lead to unnecessary conflict and prolonged emotional distress.
On Episode 69 of The Unlock Lab, I dive deep into how you can reduce feeling triggered by sharpening skills that profoundly impacts not only your personal relationships but your professional life as well.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters — Especially at Work
Everyone gets triggered, especially in the workplace, where interpersonal dynamics and stressors abound. How you respond or react to those triggers can dramatically shape your career trajectory. Understanding your emotions and choosing intentional responses is one of the most effective ways to build influence, navigate conflict, and maintain your well-being at work.
What Is a Trigger and Why Do They Happen?
Triggers cause strong emotional reactions, often connected to deep wounds from your past or profound experiences from any time in your life. Personally I have had to work through many triggers that go back to some of my earliest abandonment wounds as a child. While the triggering situation is often minor on the surface, my body’s reaction can be outsized. These kinds of moments offer a doorway to healing once you begin to understand their roots.
Triggers are not something to shame yourself about or avoid at all costs, they are gifts in disguise, spotlighting areas where emotional growth and healing are needed.
The Power of Space and Self-Management
When you get triggered, the most valuable move you can make is to pause and create space, emotionally, mentally, sometimes physically. Don’t rush to fix the situation or react impulsively.
For example, after feeling triggered during a meeting, I recognized my need to fully process my emotions before re-engaging in conversation. Taking time to breathe, journal, meditate, or step away allows your nervous system to reset. This space is key for making intentional choices rather than throwing fuel on the fire with automatic reactions.
Moving from Reaction to Response
Moving beyond reactive behavior requires honoring your emotional experience, but not letting it dictate your actions. Try saying something like:
“I want to take a moment to process this so I can respond thoughtfully. Can we pause and continue this conversation later?”
“I appreciate you raising that. I’ll need some time to consider before I respond.”
You might be surprised how many people respect and support this kind of emotional integrity.
Identifying Your Triggers and Choosing a New Response
Often, triggers tap into unresolved past wounds like abandonment, rejection, or not feeling heard. Reflecting on your earliest memories connected to your emotional reactions can illuminate why certain situations hit so hard. This self-awareness builds your emotional intelligence by connecting present experiences to past patterns. This said - you don't need to understand the WHY of you reactions in order to shift your pattern. What's most important is that you can see how you are responding so that you can choose a reaction that is not automatic or linked to a flight / fight response mode. This is what will enable you to shift your patterns and the recovery time for when you are triggered. Because let's face it, it's impossible to eliminate triggers, but we can get better at recovering from them and reducing their occurrence, eventually.
Compassion and Self-Forgiveness Are Essential
When triggered, it’s easy to fall into self-criticism or guilt for “overreacting.” Instead, practice self compassion. Recognize that your body and mind are protecting you based on previous pain.
In one personal example that I shared on this podcast episode, I over-apologized in a triggered state. By doing so, I gave away my power in an attempt to fix everything at once. Later, I was able to hold forgiveness for myself and learn a new way forward — affirming that healing is a process.
Managing Your Inner Critic
Triggers often activate the inner critic, the voice that predicts doom, judges harshly, or spins negative stories. Learning to recognize this voice and separate it from your core self creates emotional space. Your goal is to respond from your grounded self, not your wounded parts.
Navigating Difficult Conversations with Emotional Awareness
Triggers often surface in challenging conversations — especially with leaders, coworkers, or loved ones. Articulating your feelings without blame can transform conflict into growth. Sharing one clear point of impact, rather than rehashing a list of grievances, helps keep communication focused and increases receptiveness. Being specific about how you were impacted by someone else's actions can keep the conversation in the present and not bring a long past to the table for re-hashing.
Emotional intelligence involves several key skills:
Self-awareness: Recognize your feelings and triggers as they arise.
Self-regulation: Manage your emotional responses thoughtfully.
Empathy: Understand others' feelings and perspectives.
Come from place: Seek understanding vs proving something.
Clarity: Be clear with your intention and key points you want to make.
You don’t have to be perfect with any of this; it takes dedicated practice to strengthen these areas and build resilience.
Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy
Sometimes reducing triggers means reassessing your environment and relationships. Setting boundaries with people who consistently trigger unhealthy responses preserves your emotional resources and supports your growth. Also, when you know that you have to interact with someone or a group of people that often triggers you, you can create rituals for yourself in advance as well as identify an action plan for if it happens. When I know i am going into an emotionally charged conversation, I often prepare a few bullet points for myself so I can stay on track with what's most important.
Why This Work Is Worth It
While facing triggers feels uncomfortable, it’s an invitation to deep personal transformation that ripples out into every domain of your life. Mastering emotional intelligence unlocks your freedom from old wounds, empowers your choices, and enhances your relationships at work and beyond.
If this resonates and you want support to build your emotional intelligence and move through triggers with confidence, I’m here to help. Email me at breakthrough@toscadimatteo.com to take the first step.
Inspired to Take Control of Your Emotional Life?
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