SPECIAL EDITION: Throwing out the entire playbook

I didn’t know what I was getting into when I officially launched my business in October of 2019. I made my big announcement on LinkedIn after I my website was finally published. Seven official years. I’m trying to remember how I felt then. It was a business launch by default really, because the moment I signed the contract to have my brand website built for thousands of dollars was the day I honored I was giving this new career path a go.

I was early on in finding my voice, and I didn’t know exactly the kind of business I was launching. I didn’t know if I would be coaching, consulting, advising or what. But I put out my shingle and figured I would see what was meant to be.

I’m not even about to attempt to sum up what the ride has been like, but what I am reflecting on now is all the things I’ve tried. Because how do you build a fucking business? I had no idea. Sure, my background was marketing strategy, and I could write a packaging brief like a champ! But building a service-based business from nothing? Not a clue.

The tactics I employed could fill a room, even though my inner critic would tell me I was NEVER doing enough. This list included creating an Instagram series called Talk About It Tuesday, starting a blog, starting a newsletter, in person networking, virtual networking, sales training, hiring a business coach, hiring interns, did LinkedIn Lives, hosted in-person gatherings called The Unlock Lab, then launching a podcast with that same name. Then I decided I wanted more impact and became a keynote speaker, workshop facilitator and learned more about the ‘business’ of speaking… And when things didn’t work out, I tweaked my marketing and tried it all over again.

During all of this I would go through cycles where I would I beat myself up and then love myself back to passion and creativity. I would have the highest of highs when I landed a gig, and the lowest of lows when I looked at my P&L at the end of the year.

This year though, and more accurately in the back half of this year I COMPLETELY FLIPPED THE SCRIPT.

I tossed out EVERY. FUCKING. PLAYBOOK. I purged myself from every single thing I ever heard about ‘how to build a business’ that I’ve absorbed over the past 7 years. WHY? Because I never bought into it in the first place. Slowly but surely my engine was being driven by the ’should’s’ instead of doing the things that my heart REALLY wanted. This goes personally AND professionally. Every action that I took, I would imagine what the result, the outcome could be. If I do this THEN I will get what I want. If I do it THIS way, THEN magic can unfold.

Bullshit. All Bullshit.

Every playbook out there is at its core TRANSACTIONAL in the approach and it’s played out and overdone. All of it. I don’t care if you’re looking for your next job, or your next client - the world has turned upside down and we have got to rip up the old playbook.

What then, if not all of the outdated playbooks?

I shut out all the noise. I stopped going to things that didn’t feel like a full YES. I stopped putting out applications for speaking. I stopped working on my website. I stopped putting shit on my calendar to make me feel like I was DOING something.

I started to be even more slow, deliberate and discerning in what I did choose to do. I poured my heart into re-energizing my podcast. Not with random guest experts, but with people with real world problems they needed support with. I spent more time going for walks. WAY more time. I spent more time staring blankly at the sky. I spent more time doing the things that I enjoyed, and LESS time judging myself for it.

I started living my life like the privilege that it is, unapologetically. And I mean unapologetic TO MYSELF. I bought the thing that made me smile without beating myself up that my earnings didn’t justify it. I stopped making MY HAPPINESS be dependent upon EXTERNAL RESULTS.

Let me say it even more plainly. I broke the measuring stick that I’ve carried my entire life in every part of my life.

I did more of the things that put a smile on my face. I gave space for the unfolding of what did bring me joy. I gave a voice to the feisty thoughts I had. I offered my support with no strings attached. I poured into the relationships that felt good. I filled my cup with as much sunshine as I could find.

The net net of all of it is that I started to think of myself more as an artist and a healer and less of a business owner.

I don’t know what all of this means for my ACTUAL business. I’m sharing this all with you without fully being on the other side of it yet. I don’t know if new doors will open. I don’t know if the phone will ever ring off the hook. I don’t know if my podcast will be heard or watched by more people. I don’t know if Oprah’s people are gonna call me. I don’t know if my P&L trends will shift. I don’t know anything, John Snow.

But here’s what I do know. I have less emotional roller coaster rides than I’ve ever had. I feel less pressure on my shoulders and on my chest. I’m a better friend to myself. I trust more, and fear less. And I see the shimmers of light, like the sparkles on the water when the sun hits it just right. It shows up in synchronicities. It shows up with perfectly timed text messages, and invitations that I AM excited about.

I’m living in the experience of the journey versus the allure of the maniacal focus on the destination.

So whatever road you’re on my friend, trust it’s the one that will lead you to better days ahead. Whatever you’re passionate about that doesn’t seem to be working out, know that each step you take and lesson you’re learning, matters. Find your stillness again and again because that’s what will deepen your trust in yourself, and your faith in something bigger than you. And perhaps above all else, be patient . Be patient enough so you can see how the magic unfolds first in your internal world, and then in your outer one.

Go ahead and rip up all the playbooks, and let me know what happens!

🌻 Interested in working with me as your coach, or bringing me in to speak to your team or audience? Visit: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/ or hit reply to this email.