The two questions to ask before every meeting
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
For decades, I held really high expectations for everyone in my life. Expectations about how they would treat me, how they would show me love and how they would show up for me. And every single time those expectations weren't met, I fell into despair and disappointment. This went across personal and professional lines.
What I learned in the process of breaking this cycle is this:
If we keep holding expectations for people who can't deliver, that's on us. It's not on them.
That lesson is the heart of counsel I give to my clients when they are stressing about meetings and being hard on themselves: ask yourself two questions before every meeting.
#1: What are your expectations? You have low-key expectations you don't even know about. Maybe they're too high, or maybe you're painting the worst-case scenario and gathering little bits of gossip to confirm your bias. Then you walk in stressed and defensive, and you probably call in exactly what you feared with your own energy. Discovering what your expectations are allows you to choose intentionally.
#2: How do you want to define success? Here's the shift: define it purely by what you're in control of. Not the outcome. Not how they react. Maybe success is showing up with an open mind. Maybe it's slowing down, listening fully and giving yourself instead of rushing through out of fear. Pick one to three things. Then after the meeting, celebrate what you delivered on, even one out of three is forward progress.
Also, pay attention to what changed. We spend so much energy on what disappointed us that we never stop to ask, what worked here? What did I do that led to that result? That's the question that lets you replicate success on purpose instead of stumbling into it.
This is what I walk through on the latest episode of The Unlock Lab. Two questions, asked before every meeting. It will change the way you lead and more importantly the outcomes.
If this is landing for you, please like, rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen.
I’d love to hear how your summer is going, hit reply if you’re open to sharing. But no expectations, of course. 😉
Cheers to being pleasantly surprised,
New here? Sign up for this newsletter at toscadimatteo.com/newsletter.
