Inner Critic Series: You Are Not Successful
- Tosca DiMatteo
- Dec 16, 2025
- 3 min read
As we come to the end of the year, are you hearing a harsh voice in your head saying, “You didn’t do enough,” “You’re behind,” or “Everyone else did better than you”? In episode 80 of The Unlock Lab, I continue my Inner Critic Series with one of the loudest and most painful voices many of us face: the success inner critic, the one that tells you that you're not successful. This episode is my invitation to step back, reclaim your own definition of success, and end the year with more compassion and truth than your inner critic will ever offer you.
What the “You’re Not Successful” Voice Sounds Like
In this episode, I talk about how this inner critic often shows up as thoughts like:
“You didn’t make enough money this year,” “Your results were terrible,” “You should have gotten a promotion,” or “You didn’t accomplish anything on your list.” Sometimes it’s less obvious; you just feel low or disappointed without knowing why, until you realize you’re quietly measuring yourself against unrealistic, external expectations, and constant comparison. This voice has come for me every single year, especially as an entrepreneur, and every time I can more clearly see how easy it is for a few metrics, or even a single performance review comment, define your worth and diminish your vast array of accomplishments.
Questioning Your Measures of Success
A big part of de-conditioning and shifting your relationships to your inner critic involves asking yourself: “Whose measures of success am I using?” I walk you through questions to separate your true values from societal, family, or workplace expectations, and to notice when your inner critic sounds suspiciously like voices from your past. I also invite you to zoom out to a 50,000-foot view and look at the bigger context: What unexpected things happened this year; health issues, caregiving, economic shifts, that impacted your goals and priorities? When you factor in reality instead of perfection, the inner critic’s narrative usually starts to fall apart.
Redefining Success From the Inside Out
In the episode, I share how I “reverse engineer” my own definition of success by looking at what I actually prioritized this year. For example, my word of the year was fun, and I intentionally chose travel and joy, while my inner critic wanted to obsess over revenue and social media metrics. I invite you to look at:
How you showed up this year; in your kindness, integrity, boundaries, and courage
What general season were you in this year? For example, grief, healing, health, slowing down, rebuilding confidence, or perhaps focusing on family
Who you were being? Not just what you were doing or earning, but when you showed up in the rooms you walked into.
These “how and who” measures are often completely ignored by the success inner critic, yet they’re at the core of the life you’re building.
Practical Ways to Turn Down the Inner Critic
There are many tools you can use right now to shift your negative loop including disrupting harsh thoughts as soon as they start, reaching out to friends as “circuit breakers,” and asking your support team to remind you of what you’ve done well this year. I talk about naming and honoring the season you’ve been in, making a long list of wins (big and small), and letting yourself use healthy distractions like music, movies, or a good show, when your mind keeps spiraling.
I encourage you to be choosy about what feedback you internalize, as that is also a part of this time of year.
Most of all, remember that there are huge factors outside your control, and let yourself feel disappointment and grief without living there.
The True Measure of Success
I offer a different definition of success: your resilience, your willingness to keep going, your openness to give and receive, and your capacity to keep your heart open in a difficult world. To me, a true measure of success is how you treated yourself and others this year, how you held onto hope, and how committed you’ve been to becoming the next best version of yourself. Your inner critic will never highlight those things, that’s your job. You get to be your own best friend, your loudest cheerleader, and the one who tells the fuller, truer story of your year.
If this resonates with you, listen to the full episode of and give yourself the gift of a more honest, loving reflection on your year.
If you’re ready to redefine success on your own terms and quiet that “you’re not successful” voice, click here to schedule a free exploratory call and explore how I can support you in quieting your inner critic and creating your own definition of success in your life and career.
