Staying Confident When Doors Are Closed: 9 Techniques to Reclaim Your Power
- Tosca DiMatteo
- 23 hours ago
- 3 min read
There are moments on every professional journey when the answer is "no." When you’re met with rejection, closed doors, or silence, whether it’s a job application, a business opportunity, a club, or a community you hope to join, it’s easy for your confidence to take a hit. But your worthiness doesn’t hinge on who opens the door. In episode 75 of The Unlock Lab podcast, I talk about how to keep your confidence strong, even when the world seems determined to tell you "not now."
Understanding the “Door Slam” Phenomenon
Every one of us has experienced exclusion: not getting the invitation, the promotion, the partnership, or the acceptance into a new circle. For some this can become a downward spiral and if left unchecked every "no" morphs into self-doubt, and erodes our courage to try again. But confidence is an active practice; a resource you can rebuild.
9 Ways to Rebuild and Protect Your Confidence
1. Honor How You Showed Up
After any rejection or closed door, pause to review your actions. Did you put your best foot forward? Did you act with integrity, preparation, and true effort? Honoring the effort you put in and how you showed up to the table is about seeing the win that is inherent in your own courage and growth.
2. Celebrate Your Bravery
Going for something you might not get takes guts and is by definition an act in vulnerability. Acknowledge your willingness to be vulnerable and pursue challenging opportunities. Celebrate the lessons learned, the new connections made, the new skills gained, and everything else that pushed you beyond your state of status quo, even if you didn’t get the outcome you wanted.
3. Reframe Rejection as Redirection
Instead of viewing rejection as a personal failure, practice seeing it as protection, or at least, redirection. The doors that didn’t open are making space for better, more aligned opportunities ahead. Feel your feelings, but then remind yourself: “If not this, then something better.”
4. Scrutinize the Criteria, Not Yourself
Often, you’re excluded not because you’re unworthy, but because organizations, clubs, or teams have arbitrary or shifting criteria that have little to do with your value. Their game is not your identity. Separate systemic limitations or politics from your self-assessment.
5. Unhook from External Validation
Practice validating yourself first, before seeking approval from others. Start with self-acknowledgment: after every meeting, pitch, or application, ask what you’re proud of or what value you brought. Let others’ praise be a bonus, not your fuel.
6. Stay Grounded in the Present
It’s easy to spiral into anxious future-thinking or replaying past hurts. Instead, anchor yourself in the current moment. Practice gratitude, even for small things. Remind yourself that you’re resilient, and that you have everything you need to take the next step, right now.
7. Seek Community and Connection
Don’t isolate when you’re hurting, reach out to friends, peers, or mentors who lift you up. Sometimes you just need a reminder of your awesomeness. Allow yourself to ask for what you need, whether it’s encouragement, distraction, or simple companionship.
8. Create Your Own Table
When a group or opportunity excludes you, ask how you can create your own opportunity. Want to share your talents? Build your own community, volunteer, self-publish, or start a side project. Think creatively about how to move forward without waiting for someone else's "yes."
9. Review the Paths That Have Opened
Remind yourself of times in the past when doors did swing open, often in surprising, nonlinear ways. List out your successes and the unique ingredients that helped those wins materialize. Let those reminders refill your confidence reserves for the journey ahead.
Confidence Is an Active Practice
The most resilient professionals and leaders are those who learn not to internalize every rejection or delay. Confidence grows when you consistently validate yourself, learn from setbacks, and keep moving toward new doors and new horizons.
If you’re struggling to get out of a confidence rut, experiment with one of these steps today. Sometimes all it takes is a small shift to start rebuilding momentum and self-belief.
If you’re finding this process especially tough to do alone, or if you want tailored support on your career, growth, or mindset, reach out here and schedule an exploratory call. Remember: confidence isn’t just a state of mind, it’s a set of habits that you can choose, revisit and reinforce.
You are worthy, you are resourceful, and your next "yes" might be just one more try away.
