When You Pull the Proverbial 'death' Tarot Card
- Tosca DiMatteo
- May 22
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 23
My older brother, Guido and I have a running joke about trying to be positive about the future. He knows that I’m an eternal optimist, and he likes to joke that any kind of ‘tarot card’ he pulls will always be the death card. Perhaps you’re already starting to gather as sense of both my brother’s sarcasm, as well as skepticism.
It’s easy to think that the proverbial ‘death card’ is all bad – but let me tell you that I have come to see it much differently over the years.
Let me be clear, I’m not including loss of life in this - that is a whole other conversation. The kind of death I’m talking about is in the arena of; What is dying off? What is finished? What has completed its cycle? This can include anything from the end of a job, the end of a relationship, the completion of a big project ,or even moving out of a home. These kinds of endings often bring big feelings, not all of which are the fun ones. Whatever feelings they bring though – all of these endings can be completely transformational in our lives.
I’m thinking of when I moved from Chelsea (in Manhattan) to Brooklyn. I was sad to leave the heart of the city, a convenient location, and knowing where to go for all of my services - like doctors and things. At the same time, I was also excited about a new neighborhood, new restaurants, a new vibe, and my first home purchase. Time would prove to me that it was the change I didn’t know I truly needed. This was an ending of my choosing of course, but you catch my drift. The ending paved the way for the new beginning that was so much better than I could have imagined.
In my experience with endings – whether they were our choice or not – they are always a catalyst for transformation. Sometimes it takes a little longer to see the gift in the ending. Above all else, the most profound changes in your life will always and forever be when an old, outdated part of you falls completely away.
Can you think of when this has happened in your life? When a part of you ceased to exist in its old form? You can think about it in terms of the part of you that did certain things, responded in certain ways, or had the same kinds of thoughts in particular situations. You can also think about it in terms of the falling away of decision-making patterns. Maybe you stopped saying yes to things that were really a no. Maybe you stopped staying silent in meetings when poor decisions were about to be made. Maybe you started saying yes to the potential partner in front of you, even though they don't tick off all the boxes on your list.
When an old part of who we are falls away, it can be scary and exhilarating at the same time – that is if you can even recognize it! I think it can be hard to see for yourself how you have changed – especially when you are on that never-ending journey of self-development.
For me personally, the past nine months has been the kind of death that welcomes the most incredible kind of birth. Some of this death has been something I’ve been thrown into because of things that happened outside of my control, which served as a catalyst to end my patterns. Some has been a result of deeply understanding my patterns of thought and behavior that weren't leading to the results I wanted for my life. The best way I can sum it up is that the part of me that would accept LESS than I was deserving has left the station. TOOT TOOT.
How you ask? How did I do it? How did I let that part of me die away – the part yearning for affection, attention, validation and appreciation? That’s a long story – but I will tell you the number one thing I did.
I paid attention to what I was telling myself about the things that made me feel like crap (which I was accepting), and that paved the way to inquiring what the TRUTH was.
I’ll give you an example. I was in a relationship with someone where I had given so much grace for their behaviors. SO MUCH GRACE. I kept giving my time and energy and excusing their behavior. And then one day, I realized that things didn’t feel good to me anymore. And I interrogated the truth of what the relationship was, how I was cutting myself short, and what feelings I had that were keeping me hooked on the imbalance. Wheeeewwww lawwwdy my friend, when I say it was so freeing to stand up for myself once I saw the TRUTH - I was so proud of myself. I knew that this old part of me – her days were numbered.
This is the kind of death that leads to the rebirth. And for me, my rebirth is what led to upgrading my branding, creating a new website, doing a new photoshoot, and being less afraid to express more of who I am.
So yes, I’ll gladly pull a death card, because I know that dying branches make space for new growth. Energy that has been stuck, makes space for new vibes and new intentions. Letting go of the parts of me that operated based on my wounds and not my power means I unleash my inner confidence. It also means I get to replace the noise of my inner critic telling me what I should do, with something way better; which is honoring the wins, connections, and unconditional love I want to call in for myself. Over the past month I’ve talked about all these things on my podcast, and now officially I can let you know the new me has firmly LANDED (not in Newark though – in Brooklyn)! If you want to see the new me - literally, visit my website. And if you’re open to letting me know what you think, I’d love to know - email me at breakthrough@toscadimatteo.com.
Are you ready for the death of what you don’t want, so you can call in what you do?
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The Exactly Show
With this rebirth, I’m not surprised about timing of this interview drop with Phil M Jones, on The Exactly Show, on Youtube. The interview was way back in January, but it dropped in May, a mere days after my website launched. Go figure the timing on THAT! For more on that story, and the link to the interview check out this blog post.
New Episode is out now!
Ep. 59 Inner Critic Series: You Shouldn't Eat That
In this episode I talk about the food inner critic, that nagging voice so many of us deal with when it comes to eating and our food choices. This is something I've battled with myself as I grew up in a household with deep associations with food (some good and some not so good). My inner critic became even louder once I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 22. Tune in to discover what may lie under the surface of your inner critic. Learn some of my biggest tips for how to shift your relationship with this voice that is not only draining your energy, but dragging you down keeping you from what's most important - your joy! My hope is to help you move towards a healthier, more compassionate relationship with your food inner critic.
I'm not surprised, I just had so much to say to you today.
And I want to remind you that if you lead a team that could use a bit of re-birth, I got you covered. Whether you're planning an offsite, need masterclass content or need support to facilitate a deep conversation with your team, connect with me and let's talk about how we can boost morale together.
Btw - are you into tarot? 😂
Cheers to your rebirth,
Tosca DiMatteo
